I’ll be the first to admit that before I had kids, I did not understand what stay at home moms actually did all day. It wasn’t about lack of respect, but rather a lack of understanding or experience. Like so many people, I had NO IDEA the sheer amount of dependence that children have on their parents. And more specifically, on their moms in the beginning years of their lives. 

I simply underestimated the mental, emotional and physical load that comes with raising little humans. 

For years I was the corporate climber. I used to say, without hesitation, that I’d never want to be a stay at home mom. But life has a way of surprising you. 

And to be honest, even when I made the decision to leave my corporate job in January 2020 it wasn’t necessarily because of a deep desire to be a stay at home mom. There was a lot more to the decision.

I had plans to be a stay at home mom for about 6-9 months after I had my second child, wait until he was 6 months old or so then both boys would be in daycare, and I could start my entrepreneurial journey then. My grand plans!

Then…Enter COVID.

I ended up stepping into the stay at home role and let me tell you, it changed everything about the way I view parenting, work, and money.

I Just Didn’t Get It

( Note: For this post, I want to focus specifically on the stay-at-home mom experience. That’s not to dismiss working moms—because trust me, both paths come with their own unique challenges, loads of mom guilt, and an invisible workload that rarely gets acknowledged. It’s not about whose role is harder—they’re just hard in different ways. I’ve lived both, and I can honestly say I understand the weight that comes with each. )

There’s an incredible disconnect between how people perceive stay at home parents and the reality of the role. It’s not “just staying home.” It’s a 24/7 job that comes without PTO, recognition, or a paycheck.

I imagined the days would look a lot different than they actually did:

• I thought kids would eat what I made, not feed it to the dog while looking me straight in the eye.

• I thought nap schedules were predictable. Spoiler alert: they aren’t.

• I thought playdates meant coffee chats with other moms—not refereeing 1,000 toddler arguments.

• I didn’t realize that simple tasks we do every day like diaper changes, getting dressed, brushing teeth would feel like I’d just climbed Mt Kilimanjaro at the end of it.

• When it was bedtime, we would peacefully read stories and go to bed…

I didn’t realize that because they were hanging out with ME all the time that I had to actually plan, prepare and be intentional about the environments they were being put in. That their beginning development – physically, emotionally and mentally would rely almost solely on me day in and day out.

The workload is relentless, the mental juggling act is constant, and the emotional responsibility feels enormous. My kids (specifically my oldest, the gem he is) have easily been the most demanding “bosses” I’ve ever had. Without question. 

But with all the challenges, it’s also been incredibly fulfilling. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything, though they came with some major sacrifices that I did take into account, but I know that many others not in the financial world may not. 

The Financial Sacrifice of Being a Stay at Home Mom

Here’s the part most people don’t talk about enough: the financial impact. Choosing to step away from a career and stay home comes with a very real cost, one that stretches far beyond just “not having a paycheck.”

I have never once regretted my decision to stay at home with my boys.

But I can say without a doubt it was the worst financial decision I’ve ever made.

One that I had an understanding of before I made it and no regret since making it. But a true shock to the financial system today and for years to come.

Over the first 5 year period, I lost out on over a million dollars of potential earnings, minimum, and tens of thousands of dollars in retirement savings. It was a poor financial move, if I’m looking at it from a numbers only perspective. 

It’s important to me to be transparent about this because I want others to truly think about this before making their decision.

I’ll say it again – I took a risk, I followed my gut in telling me I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, I wanted more time with my boys and to build a business of my own and for that – I changed my path and said goodbye to the traditional, secure financial path.

But I wanted to discuss a few other areas of sacrifice that many individuals may not have considered yet:

• Lost retirement contributions (and missed employer matches). You do have access to spousal IRA contributions though.
  
• Paused career growth—raises, bonuses, and promotions you might have earned during critical years.
  
• Reduced borrowing power when applying for credit or loans.
  
• Lower future Social Security and Medicare benefits since you aren’t actively contributing.

Please consider these financial sacrifices before you and your family make the decision for one of you to stay at home.

As I mentioned, I would never go back and change my decision. But any time you make a big lifestyle change, it will be imperative to consider the numbers and have an understanding of their consequences not only today, but for years to come.

What I’ve Come to Realize

What I’ve come to realize over the years is that stay at home moms (and dads) are deeply undervalued in our society.

The truth is, choosing to stay home is one of the most personal decisions a family can make. It can be the most rewarding, meaningful experience of your life, but it can also come with long lasting financial consequences that you shouldn’t ignore.

So if you’re thinking about it, give yourself permission to weigh both sides: the irreplaceable time with your kids, and the financial trade offs that will ripple into your future.

And to all the stay at home parents out there: I see you, I respect you, and I appreciate everything you’re doing for your families!