Money and marriage can be tricky. When done right, managing finances as a couple can set the stage for financial freedom and achieving shared goals. Done wrong, money struggles are one of the leading causes of stress and conflict in a relationship, second only to communication issues.
I know which side I want to end up on.
After having been married for over 12 years and together for over 20, I’ve learned a lot about what works when managing finances as a couple. From moving four times to buying homes, raising kids and a pup, navigating career changes, and even enduring devastating family losses, my husband and I have faced it all. What has kept us grounded? A big component, our financial teamwork.
Here’s how we successfully manage our money as a couple and maintain harmony while building wealth together.
1. Be Co-Captains on the Same Team
Managing finances as a couple works best when both partners are actively involved. We share our financial goals, priorities, and the plan to achieve them.
Neither of us is the “ultimate decision maker.” Major financial decisions are made together because they impact both of us over time. By viewing money as a shared responsibility, we’ve turned potential conflicts into collaboration.
2. Respect Each Other’s Non-Negotiables
He loves playing golf. I love to travel. These are non-negotiable. They both have to happen for our individual happiness.
In this season of life as parents, we recognize those non non-negotiables may not happen as much as we want but they are always going to be part of our life and in the spending plan.
3. Align Your Money Values
We both like nice things, but we don’t HAVE to have them.
We like going out to nice dinners, but we don’t ALWAYS indulge in them.
We value what money can provide for us to better our lives and don’t get lost in and caught up in the opportunity it provides us to accumulate more things that we don’t need.
4. Communicate About Money Frequently
We have talked about money openly and honestly for as long as I can remember.
Open communication is essential when managing finances as a couple. We talk about what we want, what we don’t want, who we want to support, and how we can make it happen.
We don’t talk about who owes who or why did you spend X on Y. Those conversations are trivial and waste so much space in what should be meaningful and thoughtful money conversations.
Regular money check ins create transparency, trust, and long term financial alignment.
5. Use Joint Assets for Joint Goals
Our retirement accounts are in our individual name, as they have to be, but everything else is joint.
This is made possible because of the trust we have in each other and also our joint financial engagement and awareness. Neither of us take a back seat to the finances and because of that, I think it lends itself to more financial trust.
What’s mine is his. And what’s his is mine.
This may not work for everyone, and that’s ok. But it works for us. Money and marriage is very personal and if you have a system that works for you, where you feel aware, included, informed and have ownership…then by all means, continue using the system that works best for you.
If You’re Struggling to Manage Finances As a Couple…
If money is a source of tension in your relationship, start by opening the lines of communication. Address small issues before they become much bigger problems.
Managing finances as a couple is not just about budgeting, it’s about building a shared vision, aligning priorities, and building a life together that you both truly love, which will inherently better your relationship. To take your financial planning to the next level and ensure you and your partner are fully aligned, schedule a consultation with me today.
